Let's Call Out Bullying

Lots of papers from school come home in kids' backpacks - just as we all get an influx of information and mail. but while I was going through and throwing out some accumulated paperwork, I came across a handout from the school system that required a second look.

This flyer was about how to responsibly and effectively respond to bullying behavior. We all know bullying has been around a lot longer than any of us, but some forms of bullying are new and require appropriate responses. Cyber bullying, or bullying via the Internet, is one such cause of more recent concern.

In the handout I found, there were suggestions listed for different audiences: parents, school personnel, the victims, bystanders. I thought some of the suggestions were well thought out and bore repeating here.

One is that the handout offered an explanation of the difference between tattling and reporting. We all know how kids are sometimes afraid to "rat" one another out, or fall into the groove of a sort of a taboo against 'telling." This flyer states that tattling is 'trying to get someone IN trouble'; reporting is about 'trying to keep someone OUT of trouble or eventually not into worse trouble' later on. The well-being of others, or the greater good, is at stake here. It's an important detail, one worth discussing ahead of time.

I like the tips for kids who find themselves to be targeted. Using social skills such as assertion rather than aggression or intimidation is one. Rebuffing the bully firmly is worth a try. Using humor, or agreeing with the bully - it may take their power away. Even practicing what to say ahead of time may be a good strategy.

But do you know what steps to take when you, or someone around you, is the victim of online bullying? Here are some clear suggestions:

- save the evidence. copy or print the online harassment.

- identify the bully, tell them to stop, or ignore the bully and leave the online environment and block the communications. tell others what is going on.

- if it's a child, contact the cyber bully's parents.

There are good tips for the teachers, school personnel, or parents of the bullies:

- educate them about their behavior, its impact, and resulting consequences.

-give the concrete examples of inappropriate behavior; coach them to act in non-violent, non-aggressive ways. Maybe they can turn some of their bad behavior into something constructive, such as empathy.

Bullying can be physical, verbal, written, exclusionary behavior, cyber, or even emotional abuse. Just because you can't see it, like an arm or leg or other noun, doesn't mean it's not real. It is, and it's harmful. Let us, as bystanders, parents, and citizens, call it out and help stop it.