Let's Call Out Bullying

Lots of papers from school come home in kids' backpacks - just as we all get an influx of information and mail. but while I was going through and throwing out some accumulated paperwork, I came across a handout from the school system that required a second look.

This flyer was about how to responsibly and effectively respond to bullying behavior. We all know bullying has been around a lot longer than any of us, but some forms of bullying are new and require appropriate responses. Cyber bullying, or bullying via the Internet, is one such cause of more recent concern.

In the handout I found, there were suggestions listed for different audiences: parents, school personnel, the victims, bystanders. I thought some of the suggestions were well thought out and bore repeating here.

One is that the handout offered an explanation of the difference between tattling and reporting. We all know how kids are sometimes afraid to "rat" one another out, or fall into the groove of a sort of a taboo against 'telling." This flyer states that tattling is 'trying to get someone IN trouble'; reporting is about 'trying to keep someone OUT of trouble or eventually not into worse trouble' later on. The well-being of others, or the greater good, is at stake here. It's an important detail, one worth discussing ahead of time.

I like the tips for kids who find themselves to be targeted. Using social skills such as assertion rather than aggression or intimidation is one. Rebuffing the bully firmly is worth a try. Using humor, or agreeing with the bully - it may take their power away. Even practicing what to say ahead of time may be a good strategy.

But do you know what steps to take when you, or someone around you, is the victim of online bullying? Here are some clear suggestions:

- save the evidence. copy or print the online harassment.

- identify the bully, tell them to stop, or ignore the bully and leave the online environment and block the communications. tell others what is going on.

- if it's a child, contact the cyber bully's parents.

There are good tips for the teachers, school personnel, or parents of the bullies:

- educate them about their behavior, its impact, and resulting consequences.

-give the concrete examples of inappropriate behavior; coach them to act in non-violent, non-aggressive ways. Maybe they can turn some of their bad behavior into something constructive, such as empathy.

Bullying can be physical, verbal, written, exclusionary behavior, cyber, or even emotional abuse. Just because you can't see it, like an arm or leg or other noun, doesn't mean it's not real. It is, and it's harmful. Let us, as bystanders, parents, and citizens, call it out and help stop it.

The Carousel of Caberet

The Oscar-winning film Cabaret was set in 1931 Germany. It's an amazing movie, with dance choreography by the late great Bob Fosse, a stellar performance by Liza Minnelli, and some of the most beautiful costumes and scenery you have ever seen. The flavor and diversity of the German people, from milk-fed country blondes to bizarre, Dieter-like, monocle-wearing club goers is really captured well.

The fabulous actor Joel Grey as the Cabaret-act Master of Ceremonies must be one of the most underrated performances in movie history. Everything about him is brilliant and transcendent. This is not a movie for children; perhaps that why I never saw the whole thing when I was younger.

But beyond all the dance and singing and sets and lighting - is the parallel story of strong nationalism gradually being overtaken by fascism at this time, and the whole thing snowballing into full-blown Nazi Germany. The imagery of this film tells this part of the story well. Yet there is no more cautionary tale than the cause championed by the quiet-mannered, Oxford-based traveling professor.

With the German nationalism came a great bit of fear - after all, the Kaiser had been killed and there was war and unrest all over Europe and the continent. This was when fingers were pointed and people looked for others to blame. This was a dangerous time.

We all know about the antisemitism of the Nazis - how they singled out and killed Jews, as well as other groups undesirable to themselves; gypsies, homosexuals, other ethnic races. But the movie makes a point about what many of the German bourgeois were saying around their tea tables about the Jewish people.

One of the ancient themes of antisemitism is non-Jews' issues with Jews 'controlling too much of the world's money'. Relegated to certain historic and 'looked down-upon' tasks, such as changing money and lending money, ancient Jews fell into banking as much by lack of choices as particular affinity. Yet generations later, other cultures such as the Germans came to fear, resent and dare I say, envy them for this vocation.

So there you have it. Antisemitism not based on the idea of a too-aggressive an Israel, or not seeing Christ as the One or any other bigotry or what have you -- antisemitism with its roots in jealousy - plain financial jealousy. That's dangerous. So at least in the movie, the sweet blonde English Oxford professor has the guts to tell his German roommate his idea about Jews and money was rubbish, poppycock. But let us not here, for the moment, forget the powerful karma and danger of jealousy.

Francis Scott Key's dealbreaker

One of my daughters sings the Star Spangled Banner a Capella. She is young, and has a high voice, and just recently learned the words to the song in her school choir. We also found a version on U Tube that printed the lyrics on our computer screen karaoke style.

She practiced this over and over at home, and as I ran through the exercise of doing this myself yesterday, I realized that although I've always known what a hard song this is to sing - It's all over the place vocally, up and down the scale, jumping great steps back and forth, twisting over the consonants. Then late in the song, it rises even higher, sending any singer into the top of their range.

This young lady had sang it with her group at a a school basketball game, and she often breaks into song - her voice is her own personal instrument. But recently, in a noisy group of 25 people or so, she asked a cousin if they wanted to hear her sing it. She started singing while everyone was talking, and gradually, the whole room fell quiet as everyone began listening to her.

She can sing it spot on, pitch perfect, and not miss a note. And it's high, and she doesn't break anywhere. She sang it this way from her corner of that room of people, and everyone stopped to listen to her. When she was done, there was applause, and my brother sort of got down on one knee and begged me to let her sing it at my dad's memorial service.

Well, she's never sang by herself in a group of two hundred people before, so we didn't want to put her on the spot in the middle of the service, but we told her she could sing it at the open mike time when people were eating and greeting after the service. There was a lot else going on, and no one spent much time thinking about it in the meantime. But after everything else was said and done, when no one else in the room had the floor, she told me she was ready to sing it. We had to find someone to turn the microphone on, and she sang a few notes to see if it was going through the mike.

It took the third little blow-in to hear the sound behind us, and I gave her the pitch a little higher than I ever would normally, modulating for a little clarification, and then too late realized it might pitch her up too high near the end of the song. But she just started belting it out clearly, as she always does.

This room had a hundred people in it or so and everyone was talking at the time, but once again the quiet moved across the room like a wave, not a hush really - just a contagious silence. Not tall, not up on stage, the little one sang our Star Spangled Banner in the sweetest, clearest voice - a bright angel, calmly, joyously. When she climbed to "the rockets red glare," her voice didn't break at all at the top of her range - it was strong, and thrilling. She had done it once again. Everyone applauded.

There has been some debate on pop stars and the singing of this song at public events lately, but I haven't heard a better rendition of the number than by this sweet child that day. Some things just don't need to be over-embellished. Sometimes music can say things we have no other way to say.