Nine, The Hurt Locker

It's been raining here in Indiana all week, and yesterday we even had heavy fog that delayed the start of schools. I have been wanting to take the family to a baseball game and write about it, but with all the rain, most of the action at the stadium downtown isn't happening. Hopefully the weather will cooperate next week. The "Tin Caps" is the newly-renamed professional team here, what had been most recently "The Wizards." The new moniker is an homage to Johnny Appleseed, (John Chapman) who is another famous figure buried in Fort Wayne. Johnny Appleseed with the cooking pot on his head - what where they thinking? Where is the wisdom in making a sports team a potential laughing stock? Who's in charge of this stuff?

Anyway, no baseball yet - so plan B is to stay in and watch a date-night type DVD. A movie not for kids - they're off doing their own thing. It really helps if it's something you both want to see. This is sometimes not as easy as one might think.

We thought we wanted to see Up in the Air, and did, but I'm not going to review it and I don't recommend it. I didn't like it and my neighbor woman friend said she thought it was depressing. George Clooney, save yourself. You don't have to be in everything.

Nine. Your average guy would not be renting this movie, unless he just wanted to see all the hot chicks such as Penelope Cruz, Fergie and Nicole Kidman. Or unless he was a real Italian film buff or a fan of the movie musical genre.

I think it's not the average guy's movie - but girls like to see beautiful clothes and hair and each other - isn't that funny - so your chick friend might be calling or texting from the video store or Red Box saying, "What about getting Nine?" and I'm telling you say

"Nein! No, no, no!" So what happened here? Directed by Rob Marshall, based on 8 1/2 by Federico Fellini, this had no excuse to flop. All these great stars, and a beautiful elaborate set, and it doesn't come off.

And I have to say - word - Daniel-Day Lewis, of all things, killed it. Wasn't he supposed to be the great actor guy, and all that? Submersed in indie characters, and blockbusters such as The Last of The Mohicans - he was attractive in that. Why couldn't he better carry off this Italian director character?

Well, here's one for you - he does not have the Italian accent down. I mean I hated his fake accent. Did they not spend enough time with dialect coaches or something what with all the song and dance numbers? That surprised me. His singling Italian accent was terrible.

And here's the other big surprise - you have all these hot women in this film, and out of all the people, who is the least hot? Daniel-Day Lewis. And it's a movie about this creative, sought-after, powerful movie director that all these women are attracted to. And the great actor doesn't persuade one of his hotness. How did they screw that up?

Did they need somebody else? Richard Gere? Warren Beatty (I don't know if he can sing and dance) I would welcome other suggestions from musical theater. Dame Judy Dench was hotter than DDL in this movie (maybe that's not saying much) but get this - the Brit has to sing her number with a French accent and she don't convince either! If it's that hard, why not just get a French actress to sing that song? Gee whizz, what a waste of time.

Penelope Cruz, though, is the bright spot in this movie - the camera loves her, as always. Her song and dance number is impressive. Well done. You can come back, Penelope.

Sophia Loren - classy. Iconic. Somehow above being hot.

Now, surprisingly DDL's dancing was better than his singing, and the sets, production numbers, and outdoor shots of the Roman scenery were beautiful. They took advantage of the breathtaking coastlines, architecture, and city streets and fountains to make it authentic. So why didn't they get the people connected better? I felt like DDL's most believable film relationship was with Marion Cotillard, who played his wife. Her acting was on, she had the patience, the timing. They connected. But much of the rest of it was a train wreck for me.

Another bright spot - Fergie (from the Black-Eyed Peas) - I thought she made a real transformation here, and her singing blew nearly everyone else out of the water. She killed, belting it out. Kate Hudson was okay - good - and at least she played an American character so no fake accent while singing.

And then Nicole Kidman, who looked smashing in the long designer gown, fur coat and man's fedora with the Roman fountain behind her - when she opened her mouth, half the time Aussie dialect broke through on words in the Italian phrases - unnerving! Come on, now.

There was one line I liked from the movie - the long-suffering wife chastises her cheating husband - "You're just an appetite! If you stopped being greedy, you'd die." Take that, John Edwards, Tiger, and Jessie.

So, I know you skimmed through this whole thing just to hear what I'd say about the Hurt Locker, the film that won Best Director at this year's Academy Awards - In my opinion, it should have won Best Motion Picture over Avatar. Certainly, that's just my opinion.

So the Hurt Locker - no review. Just get it, see it, don't let the little kids watch it. Every American should see this movie, and the sooner the better. Simply great, well done. Adios.