Ben is Back has Lessons for All of Us

Life can be sweetly peaceful in Indiana. Or in an instant, it can become very turbulent. Things can change quickly. We are so complicated, so flawed as human beings. We can be both so good and so bad, all at once.

I like to see the current movies, and I go to the local cinemas to see those I'm really interested in, or those I think would best be seen on a big screen. With that in mind, I saw Bohemian Rhapsody, A Star is Born, Mary Queen of Scots, Vice, and Black KKlansman at the theater. It's been years since I've been to the movies that often, but I think for me this was a particularly good string of films.

Others I will watch by streaming or downloading on my device, or pick up at a Redbox. A few that come to mind are The Favourite, The Wife, and Green Book. One movie had not been on my radar screen - Ben is Back. After a year of good movies, this one seemed to be hiding in the shadows. I got around to choosing it, and I was so glad I did.

I didn't know beforehand what the movie was about, and it's probably good I had no expectations. The story was written and the movie was directed by Peter Hedges, who did a good job combining suspenseful action storytelling with thorough, slow character development. One doesn't always see those two things together in the same movie. In a strange twist, the writer/director's own son is cast as the lead in the movie, reportedly at the insistence of star Julia Roberts (good call fighting for him, woman). Lucas Hedges is a brilliant actor, and I'll never forget him breaking out as the son who lost his father in Manchester by the Sea.

This story is a tale of narcotics addiction, recovery, and relapse. It's about the vicious cycle of the hold chemicals place on our brains. Many of us quickly become powerless to the substances. Our minds, our bodies crave them and the struggle becomes an all out fight for death and life with families destroyed, property stolen, bodies withered and well-being shattered. It is a tale told in every city, every small town, every barrio and every hamlet across the United States today, as we all know.

The writer did a good job with the dialogue in this film. The old 12-step recovery program, even if flawed, is one of the tried-and-true systems still working after all these years (it was started by a doctor and a businessman in Akron, OH in 1935). Lay people get to see it work on the television comedy show Mom and reality shows such as Intervention. In Ben is Back, the Serenity Prayer is used at a recovery meeting, as is the phrase "it works if you work it," meaning in part, just keep coming back.

The movie keeps one's attention - the lies told by addicts, to themselves and to others. When is Ben telling the truth and when is he not? And the enabling and lying of one's loved ones - the bargaining, the begging, excuses, rationalization. It plays out so well in this story. Julia gives a stellar performance here - perhaps her best work since Erin Brocovitch. I guess I find a little fault here in that even with her first-rate performance in this tale, I find I never really forget I'm looking at the familiar and famous JR - she doesn't totally disappear into the character. Maybe that's just my flaw, my bad.

Peter Hedges brings a reality and a special humor to this story that does seem to be a reflection of real life. For example, even as a fellow addict is trying to beat the crap out of Ben, he still takes a moment to look at Ben's mom and defer nicely: "I'm sorry, Mrs. B." She looks at him and says, "Spencer?" He says, "I go by Spider now." She says, "You look terrible!", not hiding her disgust.

The blended family is so real - the mom wonders if the breakup of her first marriage caused her son to spiral into addiction. She flagellates herself - what was it that she did wrong? But the son bluntly says it wasn't about that, he didn't need a dad - or at least, not that dad. The second husband has paid for multiple rehab sessions and had taken out a second mortgage on the house to pay for the last one. There is a mention of white and wealthy privilege - poor folks die more because rehab and health care is so expensive. There is discussion about the pharmaceutical industry and doctors, and all the political and social issues that play into the current crisis.

But somehow, nothing is as powerful as a great story, and a great storyline, well told. I haven't even mentioned Ponce the dog yet - also an important character. I won't spoil the story for you - you just need to see it for yourself. Peace be with you. Take it a day at a time.

Indy's USS Indianapolis Memorial Reminds Citizens of the Heroic Sacrifices of our Service Men and Women

Along the gentle waterway in the White River State Park, downtown Indianapolis, are walkways, sights and places to play. Modestly set along the path is an unobtrusive monument that could easily be overlooked if a person wasn't paying attention. Located on the east bank of the central canal, north end of the beautiful three-mile long Canal Walk, this ship-shaped memorial was designed by Joseph Fischer and installed in 1995.

Gray and black granite provide the palette for an etched account of the ship's story, and the names of its 1200 sailors are listed on its opposite side. After this giant navy cruiser was sunk in 1945 during WWII, only 317 crew members survived. I haven't shown it in my photographs above - rather, I've chosen to highlight the views around it - the very modern playground and a view down the canal.

This heavy cruiser was launched in 1931, served as the flagship of the scouting force, and often served as President Roosevelt's personal ship in WWII. She distinguished herself in many battles, including Aleutian Islands, Gilbert Islands, Marshall Islands, the capture of Guam and Saipan, the capture of Tinian Island, and the capture of Iwo Jima in 1945.

At Okinawa, a suicide Kamakaze plane stuck the ship and caused 38 U.S. casualties. But she is best known for being chosen to stealthily transport the world's first atomic bomb to Tinian in 1945. Afterwards, while motoring from Guam to Leyte, she was struck by two torpedoes launched by a Japanese submarine.

Many books and movies have been written about this dramatic, tragic story. The ship went down in minutes, as she had sailed unprotected without escort and was thus very vulnerable to the sub's attack. Many men were killed immediately by the torpedo strikes and their resulting explosions and fires. It is thought about 900 men went into the water alive, along with a few life boats and PFD's (vests) worn by the men.

The story gets more gruesome and tragic to tell. The waters were shark-infested, and blood in the water probably made their vicious attacks more imminent. Shark strikes went on for five days, until the first rescues finally happened. Even without the horror of the sharks, a majority of the men probably would have died, of thirst, dehydration, starvation, injury and exposure. It was literally hell on earth, at sea.

Heroic rescues began to occur after a bomber crew on routine anti-sub patrol accidentally spotted men in the water. A seaplane was dispatched to assist and a destroyer, under its own authority, diverted its mission at the time to go rescue men in the water. Between first the seaplane, which ditched itself in the water to help, and then the destroyer ship that came, and risked its own safety by shining its searchlights in the sky to beacon other rescue vessels, 317 lives were saved.

I've just touched the surface of this very dramatic story. I can't give it the justice due here. The simple memorial on the Indy canal bank sits peacefully, waiting to be found by city visitors. I don't seek out war memorials as such and their designs vary greatly around the United States. Yet this one makes me proud to be a citizen of the U.S., and a resident of Indiana. Fort Wayne is a great town, and Indianapolis is a terrific choice for a road trip destination from here. I'm no war history buff and I find these stories difficult to think about. Yet, lest we fail to remember -

Bless you, men of the Indianapolis. I'm glad your ship was named for my capitol city. Thank you, families of those men. You as well have made unbelievable sacrifices. I'm so humbled by your toil, and in a small way, proud to tell a small bit of your harrowing tale as well.

Expresso and Coffee are Trending Hot

Working as a barista has been interesting. It was a steep learning curve for me. I went from knowing very little about coffee, and nothing about expresso, to becoming a coffee shop professional. I never had been a Starbucks shop customer, so I went into the job starting from scratch.

It's satisfying to make and hand off a drink. People are so happy to get their beverage. They're tired, they need to wake up, they need some energy - they're willing to wait in line for their expresso or smoothie.

Some customers are intimidated by the terminology. They're not familiar with the names for the drink sizes: tall, grande, and vente. A tall is really a small. I suppose it's called a tall because smaller drinks are called shorts, but we don't serve shorts. We do have 'shots' of expresso, served in shot-size cups, but no 'shorts.' A grande is a medium, and I suppose someone who worked for Starbucks thought it would be good branding to give these cup sizes Italian names. In general, customers seem to be following along with it all.

A vente is the largest cup. At first I didn't know what that meant - maybe I thought vente was "extra-large" in Italian. After looking it up, however, I discovered vente means twenty: hence, a 20-ounce cup. No big secret.

New customers can struggle with what to order. I'm always happy to answer any questions and give out samples when I have them available. There are flavor syrups and sauces that can be added. The sauces are thicker and included things such as mocha, white mocha, pumpkin spice, caramel, maple pecan, etc. Syrups aren't as thick and include flavors such as vanilla, chestnut praline, caramel, hazelnut, peppermint, and toffeenut. So expresso can be combined with any of these flavors in different amounts and sizes. Steamed milk is added to make hot drinks, and chilled milk and/or ice added to make cold drinks. Simple.

So do you want a hot drink or a cold drink? Brewed coffee or expresso? Dairy or soy? Or would you rather have tea, or a fruit smoothie? Strawberry lemonade? Or please don't say it - a frappuccino.

Although they are really popular, I'm not fond of making these frozen drinks. The stuff that goes in them: three pumps of a reconstituted powered expresso mix, supposedly so as not to use hot expresso in a chilled drink. Three pumps of a sticky syrup, and a big pump of sauce flavor: mocha, caramel or whatever. Add whole milk, a cup of ice, and blend. This is all rather labor intensive. Pour in a cold cup and then top with fresh whipped cream and a drizzle. It's a high calorie drink, and I can see the attraction in warm weather, but they're not much fun to make in winter.

Personally, I would rather have a hot tea - I think there's just too much caffeine in the expresso drinks for me. There are so many good tea flavors - every thing from green tea to fruit teas to black tea. I think there are health benefits from tea that shouldn't be overlooked. Antioxidants, aromatic pleasures, add a little honey and lemon - viola!

I admire the folks who order an Americano - iced or hot. For the caffeine punch, it's more economical (more shots of expresso) and has fewer calories (contains no milk or soy). It's more bang for the buck.

For pure flavor, try a chai tea latte. Lots of spices, like cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves give chai a lot of depth. Steamed with milk or soy, it's rich, fragrant, and filling. It's certainly one of the pleasanter things to make because of its rich smell.

Coffee is big business these days, and I plan to write more about my barista job and running the coffee shop. It's great when people make time to get together for a good cup of Joe.

Dreams in October

A quiet morning. I sleep so slightly now, awakening to a dull ache in the right hip, or someone's alarm, or the jarring of bodies plodding around. Today I lingered in the sleep one has when one is young - blissful unconsciousness. The long blurry state before awakening, the pleasant dream pulling me back into sweet slumber, a bit of me following the mind's story moments longer.

Not awakening to worry - a tick list of family members and their precarious states flashing into my head. One by one - the rebooting, the reloading, of the caregiver's brain's computer.

Today, though, the old sleep. The sun can not march brightly through the the sky today. Sol veiled in heavy clouds, time is suspended so - it could be any time on the clock with the muted outdoor light, a limbo making the moment stand still. I'm a superhero moving around in a time freeze. I savor this.

When I had very young children, my sleep was yanked away from me. I rose, night after night, to care for them. It was wonderful, precious, to feed them, talk to them, sing them to sleep, lullaby and rock them.

I'm so grateful I could do that.

Now there are no young children. Just sore muscles, a too-full mind, a snoring, uncomfortable bed partner. The gifts of old age and a long life. Grateful I am also for all of these.

But last night - a quiet house. Everyone was away. I find those hidden corners of my mind that usually elude me. Sweet old memories - me on my childhood bicycle, peddling freely. The big old oak tree platform and swing my father built. Lying in green grass and clover fields - looking for the four-leaves as the big purple heads attracted bumblebees. Chasing, or just watching, butterflies. Trying to catch frogs in a pond full of duck weed. Free moments.

Yet, if I stayed in this period of rest, my body would soften, my heart atrophy, my health decline. So I must push myself tomorrow. Stress it, take on the earthly organisms' flight or fright, or fight. My redefinition.

Let me have this moment today, dear universe. I bargain with you, no shame intended, in the age-old way people bargained with God. I won't take you there - you've done it. You know what I mean.

So grateful, so happy, so blessed. It's not my line, but this is now, this is the eternal life. And it is sweet.

The Secrets, the Shame, of Sexual Assault

This is a very different turn for me: the theme of, the tone, and what I enjoy writing about in this blog. But with the contemporary state of politics in our country, the headlines, current events, and our collective mood, I have to add this to the conversation.

I thought things had changed a lot since the time I grew up in the heady '60's and '70's in the Midwestern United States. I think most of us young girls weren't told much about sex, and how we could be objectified, abused, molested, and/or be taken advantage of quite quickly when we stepped out into the world. Most men and boys were good, but it takes only one bad apple to do a lot of damage.

A girl learned quickly if she was experimenting with alcohol, her chances of suffering an attempted sexual assault went up drastically. She was almost "fair pickings." Illegal drug use was widespread, and a common trick was for an older guy to tempt young girls with trying marijuana or some harder drug, then take advantage of a girl while her defenses were down and she was under the influence. This worked well on another level - the girl was less likely to report what happened to a parent or other adult because it made her seem to them like a 'bad girl' for trying drugs. So she probably said nothing in shame.

Often the mistreatment could be much more blatant. Lower on the scale could be when women were 'cat-called', or whistled at, in public. I think often this is more than a show of sexual attraction on the part of a male - it's a power thing over women. A way of dehumanizing, marginalizing, disrespecting. Or the abuse is actually physical. Groping, pinching bottoms in crowds, bars, public places. A thrill, a way of 'getting away with' something. An act to remember and brag about later.

Then there's the taking surreptitious photos or videos of women. Looking through windows, following them. Peeping Toms. Why aren't there Peeping Tinas? So many women have stories. I remember in college there was a common practice at parties of young men making punch bowls full of Everclear alcohol and Koolaid or juice, for the explicit purpose of getting young women intoxicated. Men would look out for each other, and if a guy led a drunk girl up to a secluded bedroom, said guy's friends would stay out of the way and keep the coast clear for him to proceed with an assault.

Then there are stories of Bill Cosby, of all admired and respected people, allegedly drugging dozens of women in order to more easily assault them. Domestic violence exists at incredible levels. In 2017, the CDC reported that more than half of all female homicide victims were killed in connection to intimate partner violence. Black and indigenous women face the highest rates of homicide of all women in the U.S. Hispanic women who are killed, were the most likely to be murdered as the result of partner violence. It's this that accounts for 61 percent of female Hispanic homicides in this country.

How many of us have stories from our own lives, about the women around us? We all know somebody. Someone who was assaulted on a date, accosted by a family member, a trusted family friend or authority figure. A woman close to me, who is now in the military, was severely beaten by a boyfriend who, out of his normal character, took some cocaine and went into a drug-fueled rage. She barely escaped with her life. She's a brave survivor, but she's never been the same.

I write all this to say: if a women comes forward with a story, give her a moment. Don't assume she has an ulterior motive. The decks are stacked against her. There's no joy, no payoff, in sharing this painful information. Listen to her. Give her the floor. Hear her, and allow her to talk. It's the least we can do.

Average White Band Rocks the Sweetwater Performance Pavilion

People from all walks of life, of all sizes and colors came together on a soft, moonlight night recently to be charmed by the soulful stylings of the world renowned Average White Band. "Pick up the Pieces" is a familiar, chart-topping soul and jazz song from this 1970's band, AWB. Alan Gorrie and Onnie McIntyre are still in the band, which tightly plays a combination of funk, dance music, rhythm & blues, and rock. They started in 1972, with several members coming from the University of Dundee, Scotland. 46 years after their formation, band members have come and gone, but the group is still together and are happily playing venues.

Trumpets, saxophone, percussion, guitar and great vocals come together for a seamless meld. Original members in Dundee, Scotland played venues here and there, but finally gelled in London after a Traffic concert. Jamming together, a friend remarked, " they're just too much (or too good) for the average white man." This was the origin of their name, legend says.

At the concert at Sweetwater mid-August, they were graced by brilliant vocalist Brent Carter (from Tower of Power) and percussionist Rocky Bryant. Horn players Fred Vigdor and Cliff Lyons help make up the band's impressive lineup. At Sweetwater, the crowd could not stay in their seats and were so moved to dance in place and in the aisles.

"Walk on By" was one of their ballads that got the crowd to sing, as did "School Boy Crush." Another crowd pleaser was "Put it Where You Want It," and people in Fort Wayne seemed to know all the words. The sound system at Sweetwater is state-of-the-art, so audiences members could hear band members' words distinctly. "A Love of Your Own" also got lots of vocal "back-at-yous" from the crowd. They responded so brightly to this band they seemed to unabashedly adore.

The outdoor performance pavilion at Sweetwater opened in August of 2017. 24,000 square feet of venue includes the canopy, free parking, and amazingly clean, air-conditioned restroom trailers. In a photo above, one can see a fire truck converted to a Whip and Chill food truck. Other food trucks that night offered pulled pork barbecue, Thai food, crab cakes and more.

The sound system at this venue is truly impressive. Although chairs are folding, apparently it allows for some versatility with room for 2200 seated or 3500 standing audience members. Beer and wine were also available for purchase inside the venue.

Sweetwater itself is, of course, the Fort Wayne business that is one of the largest US dealers in musical equipment. They sell instruments, music technology, and have a beautiful, state-of-the-art campus in Fort Wayne. With 1200 employees, the company started as a remote recording studio out of the founder's VW microbus. Now there's a 44-acre corporate campus, warehouse and retail store on site. The company headquarters is a tourist destination in town, with features such as a lovely cafeteria, hair salon, indoor theater, recording booths and shop. Their website is a resource for upcoming acts and online ordering for musical equipment. Sweetwater itself is a shining star in the mix of what's great about humble Fort Wayne, Indiana.

Lighten Up and Plan a Garage Sale, Yard Sale, or Estate Sale. What are the Trends?

I just had good success conducting a garage sale. I'm happy about it, because I've had poor luck in the past. I've had sales where very few people showed, and those who did were not greatly interested in buying what we had.

So what was different this time? I thought I would take the time here to share what I have learned.

*Advertising has changed. No longer do many of us read all those black and white newspapers. Maybe it's a sad change, but true. I had some help advertising online for this sale. My associates knew which websites to use, and only had to sign up for them a day or two beforehand. They also took photos of some of the catchier items for sale to post with the information. We could have advertised for a week or two ahead, but the thought was that people would show up ahead of time, ring the doorbell, interrupting us while we were still bringing things out and pricing them. I don't think I'll name websites here, but do a little research online in your area to find the popular ones that promote garage sales.

*Marketing ideas: If you have a lot of items, consider calling it an estate sale instead of a yard or garage sale. That seems to draw bigger crowds. I was also surprised that strategically placing colorful, directional signs on streets leading into the neighborhood brought in a lot of impulse shoppers who might have been in the area for other reasons. We might have just gotten lucky, but it worked.

*Supplies: Have extra boxes and bags to send items home with folks. Plan ahead with a cash box or money zippered bag, and plenty of change. Lots of ones and a few fives will be important. You will need some coins also, or you'll waste a bunch of time searching for some when you could be selling. Tables or surfaces are also important. You can even make them with boards and saw horses. Borrow them from neighbors, churches and community organizations. Folding card tables, garage shelving, benches, picnic tables - whatever you can come up with will do.

*So that you don't have to sticker every item, create $1, $2, $3 etc. tables with signs. People also seem interested in gazing over these - something about it draws the eye. Also, I recommend on your last day, slash these prices on your signage to 1/2 price or less. Let people know who come on early days you will be reducing prices drastically the last few hours.

*I was surprised what happened to sell well. Garden supplies, yard chemicals, paint - stuff you can't put in the trash, but people actually want. Landscaping lights, hoses, and old toys went really well. Grandparents were buying things for visiting grandkids. Old stereo sets sold, but music itself did not sell well. Maybe on a different day, it would have. People bought books and record albums less to actually use, but more for decorating their AirBNB houses. People wanted very old greeting cards and costume jewelry we didn't have. Old clothes and purses didn't sell well, but women's shoes surprisingly did - especially if they were barely used.

*Old patio furniture sold - even stuff that had to be repaired. A couple of big, old, out-of-style chairs and bar stools sold well. We only had a couple of old stuffed chairs that didn't go. Old fishing supplies, candles, photography tripods and projector screens were popular with teachers. Old sleeping bags and camping items went - I was surprised about that.

*What didn't sell well: glassware. We had tons of nice vases and drinking glasses, but they barely moved. Cooking and kitchen ware didn't go very well either, except for large covered cake carriers and large Tupperware transporting stuff, which were quite popular. Christmas stuff didn't really move, except for rolls of wrapping paper. Maybe selling at a different time of year would help with that. Some Halloween and other decorations sold, but a lot of it got put on the donation trailer at the end. People didn't really seem to want nice coffee table books, but we decided to hang onto them for now. Some good items can be sold online later if a person has the time and inclination to do so. Our electronic organ from the 70's, a large, heavy item that got a lot of use years ago, brought no interested parties and was given away. We had several larger, older (but working) televisions, and nobody wanted them. I suspected they wouldn't.

When it was all said and done, we paid for some young, strong folks to bring a trailer and haul off all the leftovers to a charitable donation site. We made a few hundred dollars at the sale, and we can get a small tax write off for the stuff we had hauled away. I hope a few of the customers found a few treasures, and will enjoy them for now. I'm happy we bothered to do the sale, and it's a weight off one's mind to get clutter and extraneous junk out of the way. Besides, you'll find stuff that was hidden by all the other stuff! You find new treasures behind the old treasures. And you'll take a nostalgic trip down memory lane one more bittersweet time. Good luck to you on your next sale! You'll be surprised what people will want.