Let's Call Out Bullying

Lots of papers from school come home in kids' backpacks - just as we all get an influx of information and mail. but while I was going through and throwing out some accumulated paperwork, I came across a handout from the school system that required a second look.

This flyer was about how to responsibly and effectively respond to bullying behavior. We all know bullying has been around a lot longer than any of us, but some forms of bullying are new and require appropriate responses. Cyber bullying, or bullying via the Internet, is one such cause of more recent concern.

In the handout I found, there were suggestions listed for different audiences: parents, school personnel, the victims, bystanders. I thought some of the suggestions were well thought out and bore repeating here.

One is that the handout offered an explanation of the difference between tattling and reporting. We all know how kids are sometimes afraid to "rat" one another out, or fall into the groove of a sort of a taboo against 'telling." This flyer states that tattling is 'trying to get someone IN trouble'; reporting is about 'trying to keep someone OUT of trouble or eventually not into worse trouble' later on. The well-being of others, or the greater good, is at stake here. It's an important detail, one worth discussing ahead of time.

I like the tips for kids who find themselves to be targeted. Using social skills such as assertion rather than aggression or intimidation is one. Rebuffing the bully firmly is worth a try. Using humor, or agreeing with the bully - it may take their power away. Even practicing what to say ahead of time may be a good strategy.

But do you know what steps to take when you, or someone around you, is the victim of online bullying? Here are some clear suggestions:

- save the evidence. copy or print the online harassment.

- identify the bully, tell them to stop, or ignore the bully and leave the online environment and block the communications. tell others what is going on.

- if it's a child, contact the cyber bully's parents.

There are good tips for the teachers, school personnel, or parents of the bullies:

- educate them about their behavior, its impact, and resulting consequences.

-give the concrete examples of inappropriate behavior; coach them to act in non-violent, non-aggressive ways. Maybe they can turn some of their bad behavior into something constructive, such as empathy.

Bullying can be physical, verbal, written, exclusionary behavior, cyber, or even emotional abuse. Just because you can't see it, like an arm or leg or other noun, doesn't mean it's not real. It is, and it's harmful. Let us, as bystanders, parents, and citizens, call it out and help stop it.

The Carousel of Caberet

The Oscar-winning film Cabaret was set in 1931 Germany. It's an amazing movie, with dance choreography by the late great Bob Fosse, a stellar performance by Liza Minnelli, and some of the most beautiful costumes and scenery you have ever seen. The flavor and diversity of the German people, from milk-fed country blondes to bizarre, Dieter-like, monocle-wearing club goers is really captured well.

The fabulous actor Joel Grey as the Cabaret-act Master of Ceremonies must be one of the most underrated performances in movie history. Everything about him is brilliant and transcendent. This is not a movie for children; perhaps that why I never saw the whole thing when I was younger.

But beyond all the dance and singing and sets and lighting - is the parallel story of strong nationalism gradually being overtaken by fascism at this time, and the whole thing snowballing into full-blown Nazi Germany. The imagery of this film tells this part of the story well. Yet there is no more cautionary tale than the cause championed by the quiet-mannered, Oxford-based traveling professor.

With the German nationalism came a great bit of fear - after all, the Kaiser had been killed and there was war and unrest all over Europe and the continent. This was when fingers were pointed and people looked for others to blame. This was a dangerous time.

We all know about the antisemitism of the Nazis - how they singled out and killed Jews, as well as other groups undesirable to themselves; gypsies, homosexuals, other ethnic races. But the movie makes a point about what many of the German bourgeois were saying around their tea tables about the Jewish people.

One of the ancient themes of antisemitism is non-Jews' issues with Jews 'controlling too much of the world's money'. Relegated to certain historic and 'looked down-upon' tasks, such as changing money and lending money, ancient Jews fell into banking as much by lack of choices as particular affinity. Yet generations later, other cultures such as the Germans came to fear, resent and dare I say, envy them for this vocation.

So there you have it. Antisemitism not based on the idea of a too-aggressive an Israel, or not seeing Christ as the One or any other bigotry or what have you -- antisemitism with its roots in jealousy - plain financial jealousy. That's dangerous. So at least in the movie, the sweet blonde English Oxford professor has the guts to tell his German roommate his idea about Jews and money was rubbish, poppycock. But let us not here, for the moment, forget the powerful karma and danger of jealousy.

Francis Scott Key's dealbreaker

One of my daughters sings the Star Spangled Banner a Capella. She is young, and has a high voice, and just recently learned the words to the song in her school choir. We also found a version on U Tube that printed the lyrics on our computer screen karaoke style.

She practiced this over and over at home, and as I ran through the exercise of doing this myself yesterday, I realized that although I've always known what a hard song this is to sing - It's all over the place vocally, up and down the scale, jumping great steps back and forth, twisting over the consonants. Then late in the song, it rises even higher, sending any singer into the top of their range.

This young lady had sang it with her group at a a school basketball game, and she often breaks into song - her voice is her own personal instrument. But recently, in a noisy group of 25 people or so, she asked a cousin if they wanted to hear her sing it. She started singing while everyone was talking, and gradually, the whole room fell quiet as everyone began listening to her.

She can sing it spot on, pitch perfect, and not miss a note. And it's high, and she doesn't break anywhere. She sang it this way from her corner of that room of people, and everyone stopped to listen to her. When she was done, there was applause, and my brother sort of got down on one knee and begged me to let her sing it at my dad's memorial service.

Well, she's never sang by herself in a group of two hundred people before, so we didn't want to put her on the spot in the middle of the service, but we told her she could sing it at the open mike time when people were eating and greeting after the service. There was a lot else going on, and no one spent much time thinking about it in the meantime. But after everything else was said and done, when no one else in the room had the floor, she told me she was ready to sing it. We had to find someone to turn the microphone on, and she sang a few notes to see if it was going through the mike.

It took the third little blow-in to hear the sound behind us, and I gave her the pitch a little higher than I ever would normally, modulating for a little clarification, and then too late realized it might pitch her up too high near the end of the song. But she just started belting it out clearly, as she always does.

This room had a hundred people in it or so and everyone was talking at the time, but once again the quiet moved across the room like a wave, not a hush really - just a contagious silence. Not tall, not up on stage, the little one sang our Star Spangled Banner in the sweetest, clearest voice - a bright angel, calmly, joyously. When she climbed to "the rockets red glare," her voice didn't break at all at the top of her range - it was strong, and thrilling. She had done it once again. Everyone applauded.

There has been some debate on pop stars and the singing of this song at public events lately, but I haven't heard a better rendition of the number than by this sweet child that day. Some things just don't need to be over-embellished. Sometimes music can say things we have no other way to say.

A New Movie from a Big Red Box

Winter evenings in Indiana can be long and dark. The sun sets early, and many of us huddle indoors at night - but that's not a bad thing. We can cook together, snuggle by the fireplace, and watch a good movie at home. It's a time to bond, play games, and build closer relationships - different than in summertime, when it's daylight out until nearly 9 p.m. and everyone is playing sports and enjoying the great outdoors.

Home movie viewing has really changed over the last decade or so. VHS or DVD rental has been around for a long time - many of us have gone to stores such as Blockbuster, or mom-and-pop-type stores such as Showtime Video in Leo, Indiana. But since 2004, there has been a revolution in this process - self-service kiosks such as the Redbox chain. With its $1 a night rental policy, Redbox is putting some of the traditional stores out of business.

Redbox opened its first kiosk in Denver, Colorado in 2004. In six years it has grown to 25,000 locations across the country. The Flextronics business in North Carolina has produced all these study, high-tech self-standing machines. You can reserve movies on-line, find locations on-line, and return your movie to a different location if that's more convenient.

In the Fort Wayne area, there are about 50 locations as of this writing. Some of the kiosks are outdoors, such as this one at a Walgreen's - you can pick out or return a movie in your topcoat and pajamas, if you like. Other locations are inside stores, such as WalMart. Other local businesses that host Redbox terminals are grocery stores such as Meier, Scott's and Kroger's, and CVS pharmacies. It probably gets the stores a little bit of auxiliary business, when people decide to save extra trips or do a little shopping while getting their movies.

The bad part of a Redbox rental is there is no human attendant on site to help with questions or problems. In severely cold weather it seems as though the terminals freeze up and won't work. Don't bother asking the clerks inside the CVS - they'll tell you they have no connection to the business, and to call the number on the DVD case or kiosk. I've done that, and the phone help has been satisfactory - as I recall I was put on hold for a while and had to listen to some annoying promotions I wasn't interested in. After waiting, however, I was given credit for an extra day for movies I couldn't return because the kiosk was frozen or wasn't working. It gave me another day to find a different terminal when I didn't have time to drive around Fort Wayne to find another one right then.

Redbox reports it has rented 1 billion movies already. They can even tell you where that 1 billionth movie was rented (somewhere in Florida). That's a lot of movies. Redbox may even be a short-lived fad, with the onset of other good services such as NetFlix and OnDemand, in which movies can be downloaded over the Internet so that you don't even have to leave your home.

Redbox titles can be somewhat limited, and popular choices are rented out, so you can't always get what you want. I have a list of the American Film Institute's (voted) top 100 movies of all time, and I'm slowly working my way through those films I've never seen and want to watch.

These aren't current titles one is apt to find in a Redbox rental. For example, I decided I wanted to show my husband the classic "Some Like it Hot" with Marilyn Monroe and Tony Curtis - I was able to download it over an Ipad. I don't have a connection to show it on a large screen, however. At Redbox, I was able to get a new release - "The Social Network," and something for children, an owl-themed animated flick called "Legend of the Guardians." Let it snow, which it still is doing - it's going to be a movie weekend.

Plato's Closet and a Snow Globe Moment

My dear friends and family who have moved to places such as California, Florida, and Arizona: I understand. I hear you gloat about how you don't have to remove any ice and snow. Yes, many times I envy you - nevertheless, the Midwest is my home, and sometimes there is just something magical about the snow. Every snowfall can be different. The one this morning caught me by surprise - a steady, mid-size flake blowing in on a brisk breeze - the snow is moving so fast I feel as though I am in a snow globe.

I was struck looking out at the bus stop this morning where the street light shone overhead - the sun had not yet risen, but the snow everywhere glowed as it would, and the street light wore a halo of snow and light. All the street traffic was muffled, and it was a reverent quiet that it seemed even the distracted teenagers meditated upon, their faces rising to the scene. Don't get me wrong, I adore your beautiful, temperate states - I'm just saying even the snow has its moments.

But back to reality. The cable popped off the garage door mechanism, and a bolt needs to be replaced, so the car is stuck inside at the time being. One learns to deal with it. More snow globe effect is applied here. But I digress; the topic is: 11 degree Fahrenheit temperatures yesterday, led to (outdoors) one of us cross-country skiing and (others) shopping indoors at Glenbrook Square Mall in Fort Wayne.

The Sears and the J C Penney stores are open before all the other stores on Sunday, so we hit them first, and took a brisk walk inside the store-shuttered mall in between. The above stores are two of the three anchor stores of this local mall, and by this I mean they are large stores on either end of the mall with their own exterior entrances. Good stores, both, and then later we move on to Abercrombie & Fitch: all the rage with teen shoppers.

I think A & F has done a fabulous job of branding, and I like the quality of their merchandise. That being said, I did not enjoy my shopping experience there yesterday. One walks into such a dark store - I understand, for effect, it's this way to create a mood - but it was oppressively dark. The store is divided up into smaller rooms to the point it's impossible to see a clerk in another room, and you wonder where everybody is.

There was a canoe hanging overhead in one room - I can't remember seeing people wearing any A & F items when I was canoeing more, but maybe it was just the crowd I was with - (that's a joke). The rooms in this store are decorated like a designer house, almost. The branding and all of this stylization sort of equates with pricey. I will say, such detail as nice applique on the shirts and hoodies, good fitting stuff, good colors - No wonder the line is so popular with the young set. I like it too.

But the deal breaker is in the dressing room area. The music pumping over the loudspeakers was so loud, we were shouting at the top of our lungs at each other between the dressing rooms doors, "Does it fit?" "What?" "Do you want to buy the shirt?" "What did you say?" It was not pleasant. Okay, we had had enough.

We left the mall and headed to Plato's Closet nearby at 4627 Coldwater and Coliseum, on the northeast corner. We pass the guy holding the WE BUY GOLD sign - he's hopping, changing feet, as if he's, well he sure looks like - he's really cold. No wonder.

Plato's Closet is a resale clothing store, with items mainly for young women. There is a corner of the store with trendy resale clothes for guys. The store is stuffed, yet has a 'hip' feel. In addition to clothes, there are lots of shoes, handbags, hats, jewelry, video games, and movies for resale. The main focus is the clothes, and only certain name brands - Abercrombie, Hollister, Patagonia, American Eagle, VS Pink - there are more, but you get the idea. A person can bring their items here and have them sifted through to sell to the store, but they'll only offer a price on what they think will sell. If you don't have exactly the kind of stuff they want, they won't be interested. There is another shop next door in this complex that handles resale for more 'mature' women's sizes and styles, but we didn't make it in there on this trip.

This is a green way to shop - it's also fun to sift though the racks and see surprises, stuff mixed together - watch out for the odd earring or Chapstick in a pocket that was missed. This store occasionally has a clearance bag-type sale, so it's worth it to go in the store and hear about their upcoming deals. It's not for everybody, but for those high-end teen clothes on a budget, it's a savvy way to shop.

It's too nice a day to stay indoors - it's finally sunny out, so the shopping is over. There's something about the way a new snowfall leaves everything looking so clean around it; the ditches covered, the white plateau only interrupted by snow-covered buildings and trees. Hate the snow if you must - I'm still enjoying being in my snow globe.

Fun at the YMCA

We used to go to the beautiful, old YWCA on Wells Street in Fort Wayne. It was housed in a campus of yellow brick buildings that had been a Catholic School, chapel, convent and orphanage at one time. But when the YWCA closed about ten years ago and the YM built one on the north side, we moved into the program at the new YMCA DuPont Road area facility.

There are several separate YMCAs in the Fort Wayne area. Usually we go to the above, the Parkview Family YMCA on Dawsons Creek Blvd. I like the indoor track that encircles the upper level, looking down over the fitness center and basketball courts.

The Y has a nice indoor pool and an outdoor splash park. In my mind, the splash park would have been better to have been made an outdoor swimming pool - I don't think the splash park has a lot to offer. I suppose the way it is doesn't require lifeguard staff, but to me it would have been worth it. The indoor pool is nice with lap lanes and a section for more open swim/play - and features a tall, enclosed slide. The individual family changing rooms, in addition to the male and female separate locker rooms, are a nice feature.

There are group exercise classes, a whole schedule of them - I personally prefer instead to use weight machines and stretch on the mats. I'd also rather use the track than a treadmill or other such stationary device, but that is just personal preference. The kids enjoy the game room with pool and foos ball tables, etc. They also use the rock climbing wall.

There is a kids' gym for kids eight and younger, and child care also. For a mom of young children desiring to work out, a place to drop a child in a facility such as this can be a huge blessing. Like other businesses, the Y tends to be open even if there are school closings - but sometimes the YMCAs are forced to cancel programs, shut down or close early because of road conditions, so it helps to check.

With all its windows, the free weight room housed in a sunroom-type annex is a nice feature. In the main room, there are lots of TV screens for the treadmill aficionados. Other features include saunas, a whirlpool in the pool area, racquetball and squash courts. There are some classrooms and even Dance Dance Revolution, (never tried it).

It's really a terrific YMCA, and were it summertime you could go outside and walk or run the lovely paved trail in the acreage around it - but now, about the only way to get through would be on snowshoes or cross-country skis. Hey, that's a thought. I bet somebody has tried it.

Indiana Snow

It was a light snowfall, a heavy gray sky, no sun

the red bud leaves had never fallen. They hung preserved,

freeze-dried, bleached out pinkish peach, an ornament

The color of a powder puff. The omnipresent

heavy sky

Moon dusting of snow. Talcum powder

blowing across the road.

Sky blends with asphalt parking lot horizon

the world brought in closer the distance

out of sight, out of mind.

Big hats. Big coats.

A splattered pumpkin in the street as a last act of defiance

A memory of black ice on Cedar Canyon Road. Fishtailing inexplicably

and then back again. Clear, invisible ice, you don't believe it

Cotton candy cologne wafting out from the blue shaded room

drab things stand out against a white sky. The green, the fringe of the fir tree

so graceful

leafless branches form a lattice

elephants, candles

Bigger, fluffier flakes are now swirling, dropping tongue-ward

muffled quiet